Who Am I?

Who am I?
(Laughs in existential crisis)
Seriously, though, who am I?
As much as I'd love to have the answer to that question, I'm afraid I'm still figuring that out myself.
So while I may not be able to give you all an exact definition of who I am, I can give you something to call me by.

Hello everybody, I'm Introv3rt3d Yapp3r, but you can call me Hazel if you want.
This episode is dedicated to all those out there who've experienced an existential crisis or two—or haven't yet.

I'd like to start this episode by talking about something I prefer to call the Identity Paradox.

How am I like everybody else, but like no other at the same time?

How am I any different than everybody else?
And most importantly, what makes me, me? 

Think about it like the Mona Lisa.

There are so many copycats of it.
There are so many artists who've tried to replicate it.
So many people who've taken pictures of it.
But none of that will capture the true essence of the portrait itself.
Nobody'll be able to capture the emotion and thinking that the artist put into each and every brushstroke. Nobody will replicate the same exact brushstroke when painting that portrait.
They won't be able to capture the memories he made while doing so.

 
Your identity is something like that.
There will be lots of copycats.
Lots of similar ideas.
And lots of similar masterpieces.
But they won't be the same exact person that you are.
And that's your superpower.

There r so many physical features in the world that are so common.
Like brown eyes and hair.
But the thing is that there are going to be minuscule differences in each and every one of us, even with similar features. 
Minuscule differences that separate us from other people with seemingly the same features.
So while we may have the same colored eyes, the same colored hair.
We won't.
There'll always be some sort of minuscule difference between our shades of brown in the shape of our eyes.
And that's the beauty of it. 

The thing is, it's like a manifestation of our identities
Our identities have lots of similarities with other people.
We can be kind like other people
We can be cruel like other people
But we can be different kinds of kind
Different kinds of cruel.
(Disclaimer: not promoting cruelty here ;-;)

My next point is identity control.

What role does others' influence play in our identities?
How much do external factors shape us?
Do we ever have complete control of our identity?
Are we ever completely independent regarding our identity?
Saying that our identities, our lives, our moods are not affected by others is a blatant lie.
Our very births were caused by external factors.
This shows us that our identities aren't something we craft on our own, but rather, we craft with the tools we are given by society. 

Psyche and society.
Yin and yang.

Is there ever such a thing as a true self?
Or are we all just different versions of ourselves at different times?
What if the masks we slip on aren't masks but different identities? 

Because, even if we do don different masks—

The wearer remains the same.

What happens when you strip away all your labels, roles, and memories?
Who is the wearer beneath all those masks?
What happens when we take away all the identities?
Who're we at our core?

Many people fear change because internally, they might think it makes them 'less themselves'.
But what if it's the most authentic thing to do?
If there will always be different versions of you—if there is no 'true self', but rather, one true wearer, then you have the liberty to wear whatever mask feels natural to you.
Your masks and costumes aren't there to cover you up —
They're for self-expression, for owning your identity.
Think about it.
Ava Max wasn't wrong when she said, "Life is like a runway and you're the designer."
So design more fashion pieces for yourself, silly.
You're not being less authentic.
If anything, you're letting your creativity, your authenticity, have its own runway.

Your heart and soul are the very essence of your being.
Everything else is a manifestation of it.
Bad mental health shows in your appearance.
You look and feel sad.
You start developing unhealthy habits.
If you want to change something about your physical appearance, don't.
First, change something about your heart and your soul.
Learn to love yourself in all the stages of life.
I'm not saying you have to do that at every stage, that if you don't, you're a failure.
Because failure is the key to learning.
You light's brighter in the dark.
So while it may be a slow process, you'll eventually learn to.

Who you are isn't something solid.
It's something that develops over time.
We are all chemical reactions whose products are only formed upon death.
Paintings whose final stroke will only be laid upon death.`
So whether you're a slow one or a quick one, I don't know.
But the beauty of identity is that because of this—
You can make your own colorful chemical reaction. 

You can make your own masterpiece.

You can add more factors, more chemicals, more brushtrokes.
You can even let others paint it, create it, with you.
You can let nature in on the action, too—
Just so that the end is something you find worthy of living for. 

Sure, everyone can use those chemicals and those paints.

The way you use those chemicals, the way you use those paints?
That depends entirely on you.
And it'll be unique no matter what.
Because nobody in the world will be, or ever can be—

You.

Your legacy is something you decide.
You get to decide who you are.
Who you want to be remembered as.
What you want your chemical reaction to be like.

What do u want your product to be?

Okay, that's it for this episode, let me know what you guys thought and what impact this episode had on you, and I hope to keep seeing you here! Also, a little journal prompt before I go: once you strip away all the masks, who is the fantastic designer and model underneath it all?

P.S.: If you had an existential crisis or had one while listening to this, same.

Signing off,

Introv3rt3d Yapp3r.