Parenthood is no joke.
It is as terrific as it is terrifying.
And if not done right, you could be turning a miracle into a nightmare.
Here's some stuff I noticed that need to be given attention when it comes to parenting.
(Disclaimer: these are all observations and opinions.)
1. Invalidation & Lack of a Safe Space
Invalidation is a massive problem in society.
"Oh, she's doing that for attention."
"He's just cranky for no reason."
No behavior is without reason—not in humans, not in anything
There is always a reason.
Even if a child is acting out for attention, doesn't that prove that you failed to provide them with the kind of attention they now believe they have to act out for?
"You wouldn't know anything about this, you're too young."
Generations develop.
Lessons develop.
And honestly?
Age does not define wisdom.
And by refusing to engage in a healthy conversation with your child, you're not only invalidating their thoughts and opinions, but you're also creating distance between you and them.
They'll feel like they can't connect with you because you're someone who's been put on a pedestal for them.
Additionally, invalidation can lead to a child not opening up because they feel too unsafe around their parents to do so.
This'll affect your bond, because eventually, you won't even know them.
And being loved is being known.
How are they supposed to feel loved when you seem to love the facade they put up for you?
2. Suppression of Curiosity
Don't make certain topics off-limits.
The thing is, if you're going to make some topics taboo to discuss, you're subconsciously trying to suppress a child's curiosity, which is not a great thing, considering curiosity is a very important element regarding the progress of life.
"This is not something you're supposed to discuss."
"You don't even need to know this."
What about the day they need to?
And if their brain has wandered there, hasn't that already proven that they need to know this?
Yes, ignorance is bliss.
But ignorance is also... ignorance.
It can be fatal.
And if the parent isn't going to answer the question for the child, someone else is.
And that someone else might not always have the best intentions — or the right information.
3. Not Teamwork, but Dictatorship
The thing about teenagers is that they're treated like children but are expected to act like adults.
In every relationship, you must have discussions, not arguments.
There is a very big difference between the two.
Obviously, having arguments is inevitable, considering comprehension is humanity's fatal flaw and all, but it should be your number one priority not to attack each other, but to discuss your issue.
It's you and your child against the problem, not you and them against each other.
Even if your child says something that triggers you, remember, there's always a reason why they said that.
Perception shapes a person's life incredibly.
And you need to make sure you work on your child's perception, not punish their reactions.
Gentleness is a very important thing to keep in mind.
But do not confuse gentleness with leniency.
Your child will act out, yes.
That's when you need to step in.
However, if you child is a teenager, it is especially important that you work with them rather than dictate them.
If you dictate them, they'll feel patronized. And everyone hates that.
What many view as rebellion in teenagers is actually them trying to grasp at some modicum of independence.
With parents often telling them what to do and what not to do, teenagers might act out and make bad decisions not because they're stupid, but because it gives them some sense of control over their own life.
Now, obviously, there are teens out there who make mature and thought-out decisions too, and it's important we don't generalize the teenage phase as a rebellious one.
Think of it like a bird wanting to learn how to fly but can't because their parents keep saying,
"No, you need to do this, not that."
Let your child experiment.
Let them learn.
Teach them the why behind stuff rather than just the what.
That's how they grow wings.
4. Comparison & Conditional Love
I'm just going to say it straight up:
If you're comparing your child and you only show them the love they deserve when they're at their best:
Know that you're instilling in them a sense that they will never be good enough.
Know that you're teaching them that love is conditional.
Know that this will haunt them for a long time until they fix it.
Know that this could snowball into anxiety, depression, or even suicide.
Yes, as a parent, it is your job to make sure they are always growing, developing, and becoming the best version of themselves.
But it is also your job to love them when they're at their worst.
Loving them enough to get them out of there, but gently.
Loving them in a way that doesn't make them feel hated for the way they are at their worst.
Just cared for.
Correction and rejection can get mixed when you don't act appropriately.
And that leaves a mark, all right.
This wasn't written to accuse or condemn parents.
This was written to develop a better understanding of parent-child relationships.
Parenting is one of the hardest things in the world.
But so is being a child in a world that misunderstands you.
If both sides could listen more, and assume less—we wouldn’t just raise better kids.
We’d raise better adults.
Better generations.
A better world.
👍👍
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