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The Sketchbook

Every sketchbook should desire to be finished. For the human mind’s complexity to be splattered onto them. The beauty of art is that it doesn’t require a filter, but intuition. The ability to let go and let the soul paint what words cannot. I was different. Why do sketchbooks wish all their pages were filled? For closure, if there ever was such a thing? Closure of what? Closure of a chapter? Closure of images that once lived, free and wild? I sometimes wonder if the birth of an image on my surface meant the death of it, too. Once it’s out of the artist’s mind, the art wasn’t alive anymore. My pages were overfilled. Masood had stuffed me with different pages because he couldn’t fit his drawings on mine. He came home every day to relax, painting out his worries and fears, enjoyment and love onto me. It felt like whiplash. On one page, his soul painted iridescence. On the other, he drew entrapment. I enjoyed being his passion. His haven. I enjoyed his sons’ awe at how he decorated me, lea...

Song Lyrics that I relate to (no context)

Random list of songs that I relate to (for the record, I have never been in any romantic relationship. Most of the songs about love here, I relate to from a purely friends or family perspective, although one or two of these songs are because of the misfortune of having a crush)

:)

Good in Goodbye - Madison Beer

I would take a bullet for you just to prove my love
Only to find out you are the one holding the gun

I Love You, I'm Sorry - Gracie Abrams

That's just the way life goes
I like to slam doors closed
Trust me, I know it's always about me
I love you, I'm sorry

...

I might not feel real, but it's okay

...

You were the best but you were the worst
As sick as it sounds, I loved you first
I was a d*ck, it is what it is
A habit to kick, the age-old curse
I tend to laugh whenever I'm sad
I stare at the crash, it actually works
Making amends, this shit never ends
I'm wrong again, wrong again

...

Hope that I don't, won't make it about me

I miss you, I'm sorry - Gracie Abrams

You said, "Forever, " and I almost bought it
I miss fightin' in your old apartment

...

Nothin' happened in the way I wanted
Every corner of this house is haunted

...

Everywhere I go leads me back to you
I don't wanna go, think I'll make it worse
Everything I know brings me back to us

Mess It Up - Gracie Abrams

Opened two double doors

Typical, pretty sure I could grow up

Probably chemical

I took up walking to turn it all off

Doesn't feel bearable

Guess I thought when I left it would all stop

Hmm, it would all stop

Did I fall out of line when I called you?

When I told you "I'm fine", you were lied to

How could I think that all that I gave you was enough?

'Cause every time I get too close, I just go mess it up

Funny that (funny that) didn't work (didn't work)

I could be anywhere, I'm on your block

Cynical (cynical), terrible (terrible)

Kicking myself with my gut in a knot

'Cause I heard that you're (heard that you're) happier (happier)

Hope that you're sleeping well knowing I'm not

I'm doing too much

imgonnagetyouback - Taylor Swift

Told my friends, "I hate you but I love you just the same"

Pick your poison, babe

I'm poison either way

Whether I'm gonna be your wife or

Gonna smash up your bike, I

Haven't decided yet

But I'm gonna get you back

Anti-Hero - Taylor Swift

Midnights become my afternoons

When my depression works the graveyard shift

All of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room

I should not be left to my own devices

They come with prices and vices

I end up in crisis (tale as old as time)

I wake up screaming from dreaming

One day I'll watch as you're leaving

'Cause you got tired of my scheming

(For the last time)

It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me

At tea time, everybody agrees

I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby

And I'm a monster on the hill

Too big to hang out, slowly lurching toward your favorite city

Pierced through the heart, but never killed

Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism

Like some kind of congressman? (Tale as old as time)

I wake up screaming from dreaming

One day I'll watch as you're leaving

And life will lose all its meaning

(For the last time)

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart - Taylor Swift

I can show you lies (one, two, three, four)

'Cause I'm a real tough kid, I can handle my sh*t

They said, "Babe, you gotta fake it till you make it" and I did

Lights, camera, b*tch smile, even when you wanna die

He said he'd love me all his life

But that life was too short

Breaking down, I hit the floor

All the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting "More"

I was grinning like I'm winning, I was hitting my marks

'Cause I can do it with a broken heart (one, two, three, four)

...

I cry a lot but I am so productive, it's an art

You know you're good when you can even do it

With a broken heart

Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? - Taylor Swift

You don't get to tell me about sad

...

If you wanted me dead, you should've just said

Nothing makes me feel more alive

...

The scandal was contained

The bullet had just grazed

At all costs, keep your good name

You don't get to tell me you feel bad

Is it a wonder I broke? Let's hear one more joke

Then we could all just laugh until I cry

...

So tell me everything is not about me

But what if it is?

Then say they didn't do it to hurt me

But what if they did?

I wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me

You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

So all you kids can sneak into my house with all the cobwebs

I'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said?

That I'll sue you if you step on my lawn

That I'm fearsome and I'm wretched and I'm wrong

...

So I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your street

Crash the party like a record scratch as I scream

"Who's afraid of little old me?"

I was tame, I was gentle till the circus life made me mean

"Don't you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth"

Who's afraid of little old me?

Well, you should be

War of Hearts - Ruelle

I can't help but love you

Even though I try not to

...

I can't help but be wrong in the dark

'Cause I'm overcome in this war of hearts

I can't help but want oceans to part

'Cause I'm overcome in this war of hearts

Vampire - Olivia Rodrigo

I hate to give the satisfaction, asking how you're doing now

How's the castle built off people you pretend to care about?

Just what you wanted

Look at you, cool guy, you got it

I see the parties and the diamonds sometimes when I close my eyes

Six months of torture you sold as some forbidden paradise

I loved you truly

Gotta laugh at the stupidity

'Cause I've made some real big mistakes

But you make the worst one look fine

I should've known it was strange

You only come out at night

I used to think I was smart

But you made me look so naive

The way you sold me for parts

As you sunk your teeth into me, oh

Bloodsucker, famef*cker

Bleedin' me dry, like a godd*mn vampire

And every girl I ever talked to told me you were bad, bad news

You called them crazy, God, I hate the way I called them crazy too

You're so convincing

How do you lie without flinching? (How do you lie, how do you lie, how do you lie?)

Ooh, what a mesmerizing, paralyzing, f*cked-up little thrill

Can't figure out just how you do it, and God knows I never will

Went for me, and not her

'Cause girls your age know better

...

You said it was true love, but wouldn't that be hard?

You can't love anyone, 'cause that would mean you had a heart

I tried you help you out, now I know that I can't

'Cause how you think's the kind of thing I'll never understand

Good 4 You - Olivia Rodrigo

Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily

You found a new girl, and it only took a couple weeks

Remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world? (World)

And good for you, I guess that you've been working on yourself

I guess that therapist I found for you, she really helped

Now you can be a better man for your brand-new girl

Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy

Not me, if you ever cared to ask

Good for you, you're doing great out there without me, baby

God, I wish that I could do that

I've lost my mind, I've spent the night

Crying on the floor of my bathroom

But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it

But I guess good for you

...

And good for you, it's like you never even met me

Remember when you swore to God I was the only

Person who ever got you? Well, screw that and screw you

You will never have to hurt the way you know that I do

...

Maybe I'm too emotional

Your apathy is like a wound in salt

Maybe I'm too emotional

Or maybe you never cared at all

drivers license - Olivia Rodrigo

'Cause how could I ever love someone else?

And I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone

Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me

'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

And all my friends are tired

Of hearing how much I miss you, but

I kinda feel sorry for them

'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do, yeah

...

Red lights, stop signs

I still see your face in the white cars, front yards

Can't drive past the places we used to go to

'Cause I still f*ckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)

Sidewalks we crossed

I still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing

Over all the noise

God, I'm so blue, know we're through

But I still f*ckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)

Traitor - Olivia Rodrigo

Brown guilty eyes and little white lies

Yeah, I played dumb but I always knew

That you'd talk to her, maybe did even worse

I kept quiet so I could keep you

And ain't it funny

How you ran to her

The second that we called it quits?

And ain't it funny

How you said you were friends?

Now it sure as hell don't look like it

You betrayed me

And I know that you'll never feel sorry

For the way I hurt, yeah

You'd talk to her

When we were together

Loved you at your worst

But that didn't matter

It took you two weeks

To go off and date her

Guess you didn't cheat

But you're still a traitor

...

Ain't it funny

All the twisted games

All the questions you used to avoid?

Ain't it funny?

Remember I brought her up

And you told me I was paranoid

...

God, I wish that you had thought this through

Before I went and fell in love with you

(Ah-ah-ah)

When she's sleeping in the bed we made

Don't you dare forget about the way

You betrayed me

Hate You - Jordi

You say you're sorry more than you are

Would it all be different if you weren't so far?

Had me so convinced I was what you wanted

Now, I'm crying on the freeway

Overthinking how we fell apart

I'm in the sweater you gave me

But it's not as warm as it used to be

I don't wanna cut you out like this, but I think that I got to

Hate how you lied and called it honest

I let you drive and now I'm car sick

Hate knowing that her eyes, made you forget all about mine

Hate how you loved me in the right ways

How you turned us into a cliché

Hate how you made me fall

Hate how I don't hate you at all (hate you at all)

...

Underneath the games you played

I know that you're thoughtful

And that only makes this worse

I wish you were awful (wish you were awful)

...

Hate knowing that her eyes, made you forget all about mine

Hate how you loved me in the right ways

How you turned us into a cliché

My Problem - Jordi

You didn't steal my man, nah, ah, nah

You just stole my problem

If he wanted to leave, I had no need to stop him

You can keep the tag, or leave it on the rack

But I won't take it back, you, you

I've never been better since he left

Lost my empathy and now my skin is glowing

Don't know why my heart was so upset

Now I'm gone, he out here wondering where I'm going

If you enjoy your late nights crying

Paranoia scrolling through his phone

Well, girl, I swear he's just your type, and I wish you well

I wish you well

...

Tell me how it feels

Are ya happy 'cause you got him?

Is it bittersweet? Taste like misery?

Better you than me, you, you

...

You just stole my bad habit

I've had it

Sad fact is

I've spent way too long in his issues

My tissues

Take them with you, oh, before I'm gone

Runaway - Aurora

And I was running far away, would I run off the world someday?

Nobody knows, nobody knows

And I was dancing in the rain, I felt alive and I can't complain

No, take me home, take me home where I belong

I can't take it any more

...

And all this time I have been lying

Oh, lying in secret to myself

I've been putting sorrow on the farthest place on my shelf

...

But I kept running for a soft place to fall

Why do you guys think I relate to these songs? Did any of these songs resonate with you, too? Should I make a part two of this? Comment down below!


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